June 14, 2016
About the author : Earth to Ethereal: Eclectic and Eccentric, Spiritual and Sublime When it comes right down to it, I guess I just really enjoy sharing the human experience, whether through writing stories and poems which, hopefully, resonate with readers or by following the path to a simpler, more earth-friendly lifestyle. Thanks for sharing the experience with me!
After my most recent post, Not to Speak, I felt the need to lighten things up quite a bit. So, today, I’m delving into one of my areas of expertise: parenthood bloopers.
Come on, admit it. If you’re a parent, aunt/uncle, babysitter, etc., you’ve been there. Haven’t you? I sure have.
Here are some of my many, many blooper moments as a parent:
I’ll start with my oldest child. When he was a toddler, he used to walk around singing the lyrics to one of his favorite songs. No “I’m a Little Teapot” for him, though. Our little guy could barely talk, but it didn’t stop him from belting out, “Rox–anne, you don’t have to turn on the red light…” Maybe it wasn’t the optimal choice of music to share with him, but Sting would have been so proud.
Later, when he was maybe four or five years old, my oldest was playing outside with some neighborhood friends. Apparently, everyone was hot and thirsty, so being the nice host that he was, he went into our garage to get some drinks from the fridge. We must have been out of juice boxes, because the next thing we knew, he was handing out beers to all his friends.
He and my younger son were both really active as little ones; I used to say during my older son’s toddlerhood that the only time he stopped moving was if he’d fallen asleep. His younger brother was, instead, notorious for climbing. I once left him playing with some toys on the floor of our dining room, while I ran into the kitchen. I was gone for a only a minute or so, but I came back to find that he’d vanished. His toys were there, but he sure wasn’t. I ran around the main floor of our house, calling his name, and when I made it back to where I’d started, a little voice greeted me, saying, “I up here, Mommmy.” There he was, at eye level, sitting on the top shelf of our baker’s rack.
This same son once got his head stuck between the “bars” along the back of our old rattan sofa. I was on the phone with a friend and he was sitting right next to me–one minute he was playing with the cushions; the next, he’d pushed his head through the frame. I nearly had to turn the sofa upside down to get him out. Did I mention I found my first gray hair shortly after he learned to crawl?
Turns out girls aren’t any easier. Years ago, I was on the phone, when a police officer showed up at my door. He told me someone from my home had called 9-1-1. I was so embarrassed and couldn’t understand what had happened, since my one-year old daughter and I were the only ones there. That was when I remembered having pulled the phone from my daughter’s pudgy little hands before I’d called my friend. Guess who’d made her very first phone call?
In kindergarten, my daughter repaid me for her earlier adventures by making me a beautiful Mother’s Day card. On it, she’d written that my favorite food was macaroni and cheese (such a gourmet) and my favorite hobby? Taking naps. Almost earned a nomination for Mom of The Year, based on those credentials alone.
Try as you might, the chaos of family life really does get the better of you sometimes. One day, during a particularly busy moment, I heard someone call out. Since I was occupied with something, I handled it the way I usually did: held up my hand and said, “Okay, just a second.” Took me a full minute to realize I was talking to the microwave. It had beeped and I’d answered.
The kids are all older now, but parenting is still blooper-friendly. This past year, while my family and I were staying at a hotel, I got up in the dark and walked straight into the corner of a wall. Being ever ready to set an excellent example, I dropped the F bomb, loud and clear. My 9-year old was so disappointed she could only shake her head at me, my thirteen-year old was completely embarrassed (either for me or by me, I’m still not sure which) and my 16-year old thought the whole thing was hilarious.
Still, one of most-notable parenthooding bloopers happened when the kids were younger: at a birthday party for one of my sons, I was trying to feed my infant daughter some pureed butternut squash. She would often turn her head a few times before she’d finally take a taste and start eating. This day was no different. I was talking to family and friends, while my husband held our baby girl, so I could feed her. After I finally got the first bite into her mouth, my husband started laughing and said, “Do you know what you just did?” I didn’t, so he filled me in on it. “You fed me,” he said. “I kept trying to turn away, but I finally just gave up and ate the squash.”
Ah, the joys of parenting. No one ever said it was easy! I would love, love, love to hear that I’m not alone in my bloopers! Please feel free to comment and share away with any of your glorious parenting/aunt-or-uncling/babysitting/etc. hiccups!
“A day without laughter is a day wasted.” ~ Charlie Chaplin
May 28, 2017